


Penny why the fuck are you in my mind?

by mksmith0430



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: M/M, queliot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-06 16:16:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mksmith0430/pseuds/mksmith0430
Summary: Penny 23 is in Eliot's mind while Eliot is being controlled by the monster and Eliot ends up confessing that he has feelings for Quentin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse any mistakes I really just wanted to post it before the episode tonight.

“Elliot? Who’s mind am I in? Mr. Monster?” Penny is looking around confused. I am not in the right headspace to be dealing with a memory of him. It took like all of my energy to get out and talk to Q and now that I know that everything around me is fake it just isn’t the same as it was.  
“Fake Penny why are you in my happy place? Leave.” I close my eyes for a beat and open them expecting to find him gone.  
“It’s like real Penny, well Penny 23. Not some weird fake Penny?” He says.  
“How are you in my mind? Why are you in my mind? Does the monster know?” I don’t want to die yet.  
“Oh, I have no idea how I’m in here. Quentin told us that you were alive and I thought that I would maybe try to get into your mind. It’s pretty amazing that I’m here and not in the monsters weird ass dreams.”  
“Did he send you?”  
“No, I assume you're talking about Quentin right? He didn’t send me. No one did. I wanted to see if I could figure out a way in here before I told them.”  
“Well, you did it whoopdie doo. Would have been helpful about a week ago, before I had to face all of my regrets to talk to you guys, but congratulations either way. Has he been saying anything about me besides the whole I’m still alive in here thing?”  
“No, not to me at least. But Julia told me some of what you said to him when you were in your body again. It didn’t really make sense until I talked to Margo and she thought that it had something to do with what went down when you were doing the mosaic together. She said that you never told her that much but that something went down and you guys were together?” Fucking Margo. I sigh. I might as well tell him. What do I have to lose at this point?  
“Well, when we were getting the keys. The time key to be exact, we had to complete this crazy mosaic puzzle thing and along the way, we fell in love. We had a family, got old, and I died, then after Q got the key and we were ourselves again Q said he wanted to be with me. To be an us. But I was scared and told him no.”  
“But you didn’t mean no?”  
“Of course I didn’t mean no. I’ve been pining for Q since he started Brakebills. I was just scared and now I’m stuck here without him. Just with fake Margo and fake everyone.”  
“I get it, well kinda. Julia, my Julia is dead. Now there’s this other her in my life and I have to spend my days knowing that I have a second chance with someone and they don’t want it with me.”  
“Don’t say that to me. Oh my god is that how Q feels?! We literally had a second chance and I told him no.”  
“No,” he says very unconvincingly. “I’m sure that he isn’t thinking about the fact that you rejected him at all. I am so sure that I am also sure that he doesn’t have nightmares about terrible things that the fourth key told him. Some of which may or may not concern you.”  
“What the fuck dude. You can’t come into my literal happy place and tell me all of this. Isn’t the fourth key the key that made Benedict kill himself?”  
“I was not here for that, but possibly. From the dream that I walked into last week, It was probably that key. Quentin was telling well he was telling other Quentin some pretty dark things.”  
“Dark things?”  
“Okay, he was basically telling him that no one loved him and that given a choice you obviously would never love him and to umm… to umm kill himself.” Penny looks down and I have to face the fact that I am actually the worst human alive. I let Q go on that trip alone because I was afraid of emotions and now he’s still having nightmares about how I don’t love him, which isn’t true. I just have some deep-rooted commitment issues.  
“God Penny. You need to stop telling me things. Just let them know that I’m fine in here and that I am stuck until the monster leaves my body or I die.”  
“That’s pretty dark.”  
“That’s pretty dark? Pretty dark is having to face every terrible thing that you have ever done in your life, and yes there is a lot, just to find out that apparently, the worst was telling someone who loved you and wanted to have a life with you no because you were scared. Pretty dark is having to do all of this just to tell the person your in love with to not kill whatever is in your body because your still alive in here too. Pretty dark is knowing that you might never get to tell him that you made a mistake and that you're sorry you because the last thing you want to do is to die without him knowing that you were just being your usual dick self and that you’ve regretted it every day since. Pretty dark is finding out that he has nightmares because of the suicide mission you sent him on because of your commitment issues.” I start crying. How embarrassing. I don’t cry in front of people. Or at all. I drink my feelings. It really sometimes tends to work.  
“I should leave.” He looks scared. It’s the crying. No good things ever come from crying.  
“Yes, you probably should. You won’t - You won’t tell him, right? Just that I’m okay in here, but you won’t tell him the rest?”  
“Of course not, and you know they’re not going to let you die right?”  
“One can dream.” He leaves and it’s just me alone in my mind again. I hope he’s right because spending hundreds of years in here with Charleston's weird stories isn’t ideal. Boy, oh boy do I really hope he’s right.


	2. Penny you better fucking tell me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny tells Quentin some of what he knows. Quentin then kinda gets mad and turns into an emotional wreck.

“Quentin I need to tell you something.”  
“Okay, what’s up?” I close my laptop. I’m still trying to get a lead on finding the rest of the monster's fucking body.  
“So after we figured out that Eliot was alive I figured since he’s taking a back seat in the monster's mind which is probably pretty dreamlike I might be able to get into his mind. And umm and then I did.”  
“You did?” I don’t know when I stood up, but now I’m full on pacing. “What did he say? What was it like? Is he okay? How did you get in there? Are you sure that it was Eliot and not the monster?”  
“I’m not quite sure how I got in there just that I did, and I am absolutely sure that it was Eliot.” He smiles like he has more to say, but he doesn’t continue.  
“He’s okay?”  
“He’s fine, and he isn’t seeing anything that’s happening. He’s in his “happy place.” It’s just the cottage though. Kinda weird if you ask me.”  
“I didn’t. So he’s fine? Did he mention anything about what he said when he regained control? What he meant by all of that?” He doesn’t respond. A very un Penny thing to do. “Dude, what’s going on with you?”  
“Okay fine. He might have said some shit about you OKAY?” He like really emphasizes the okay in a very un-okay like manner.  
“Well then what did he say?”  
“I can’t tell you.”  
“Oh my god, what the fuck Penny. Why not?!” I yell the last part. I can’t help it.  
“Because I promised him, Quentin. I promised him and he is going to get out, so when he does I am not going to be the reason everything is messed up.” I can’t believe what I am about to say.  
“I don’t give a fuck about your stupid promise with Eliot.” I am such a terrible person. Literally, kill me now. I need to know what he said. I gave up on me and him, but if there’s a chance that he didn’t then I need to know.  
“I do. I care about my promise with him. If this whole monster thing ends with Eliot standing then I think that everyone, especially you will be really glad that I didn’t say anything. The only way I’m telling you what he said is if he’s a body bag, and doesn’t have a chance to tell you himself.”  
“I thought that you were supposed to be the nicer Penny.” I can’t help it anymore. I sit down on the ground of all places and begin to cry. God, I feel like a child.  
“I am the nicer Penny. I’m also the better dressed one from what I’ve gathered. Just, just don’t give up on him. Okay? Eliot’s in there and he’s counting on you saving him.”  
“Okay.” Okay, okay, okay, okay. I close my eyes and breathe trying to wish all my troubles away. 

 

 

 

“But what the fuck did he say about me, Penny?”  
“For the last time, I am not telling you.”  
“Asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry that it's so short, but at least I tried. Please leave kudos and comments! If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask I'll reply as soon as I see them.


	3. Wait how the fuck Is real Q in my mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin tags along with Penny into Elliot's happy place

“Penny, what are you doing back- wait Q?” So Penny’s back, fun, but Quentin is here. Like he’s here, here. Like real him.  
“I’m going to go over there and give y’all a moment.” Penny walks over to the other side of the house. Q comes crashing into me for a hug, and oh my god I missed him.  
“How are you here?”  
“Oh, some old spell that Julia found allows for me to tag along with Penny’s weird mind thing. Pretty neat. Anyway El you have no idea how fucking good it is to see you.”  
“Don’t you get to see me like every day?”  
“That thing is not you. It doesn’t dress like you or talk like you, and it has really empty eyes. You don’t have empty eyes.”  
“Well thank you. What a great compliment.” I smile. I miss him. I think that I’m almost sad that he’s here. Like it’s great don’t get me wrong, but he’s going to have to leave pretty soon, and I’ll still be stuck in here.  
“I think that maybe I shouldn’t be here, but Penny said that you guys talked about me. He wouldn’t tell me what you said, and I got mad at him and I don’t know I just really needed to talk to you. You know?”  
“I get it.” I really really do. “Umm, can we sit down? I need to tell you something.”  
“Okay?”  
“Yeah umm, just…” I take a breath before continuing. “Just don’t say anything until I’m finished okay?” He nods, and he just looks so cute and I don’t know what to do with my emotions. Ugh. “I had to go to hell and back to talk to you. I had to relive all of the terrible moments in my life trying to find my biggest regret. Killing a kid with a bus, and throwing Margo in the dungeon, and so, so many things.” I take his hands and intertwine our fingers so I can look at anything else but his face. “I eventually figured out that my biggest regret was rejecting you. Saying that it was all a fluke, us when we got really fucking old. I have liked you for so long. I mean how could I not? You’re Q. You make me want to be a better person. You make me braver. I was just afraid. I don’t want to lose you. If I allow myself to fall in love with you then I am pretty sure that there is no going back for me. That’s it, you’re it. That thought absolutely terrifies me, but being in here without you, well without real you has been absolute hell. If there is anything I can do to fix what I did I want to do it Q. I need you.” I finally look up at his face and he smiles at me.  
“Finally you dick.” I sigh in relief and then HE kisses ME. What a day.  
“Ahem,” We break apart and turn to look at Penny. “Don’t want to interrupt, but we should probably leave soon.”  
“Yeah, you’re right. El we’re going to get the monster out of your body. He knows not to hurt you so unless you do something stupid in here then we are going to get you out all in one piece.” He hugs me again. “Hang in there El. Okay?”  
“Okay.” They leave and I think for the first time I really truly believe that I am going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's not very long, but it's better than nothing I guess. Also this isn’t the end. I have the real end fully written I just don’t know how to get there, but I’m working on it!


	4. This is just a chapter of me trying to get to where I want to go. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin gets sick on the way to find the last piece of the monsters body

“Quentin why is your mind so loud? Stop thinking about Eliot or block out your thoughts.”  
“You sound like old Penny.”  
“Well, it’s almost like we’re the same goddamn person.”  
“That isn’t true. You are a lot nicer. You never yell at me about the songs I have stuck in my head.”  
“I think about it.”  
“But you don’t so you are therefore nicer.” I sigh. “I’m just so worried. So we get the monster out of Eliot’s body then what?”  
“We kill him.”  
“He’s indestructible. A god-killing bullet didn’t kill him, nothing will.”  
“Do we know if what he has planned is bad?”  
“He’s killed like a hundred people.”  
“Some of them were jerks.”  
“Penny.”  
“Okay, okay just let's take this one step at a time. Get Eliot back now and worry later. Think about it this away if we all die at least we’ll all be dying together.”  
“I don’t like that.”  
“Too bad, now let's get back to work. There’s only one piece left right? We just need to find it.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“God just go without me” I am lying on the bathroom floor dying.   
“What is he pregnant? Come on Coldwater let’s go. There’s just one more piece of the puzzle that is this freaks body.” Penny joins Julia in the staring me down from the doorway.   
“I have the flu.”  
“Oh, eww. I don’t do sick.” He walks away.   
“Jules I’ll be fine. It sucks that I’m going to miss it all, but oh well. I’ll be here when you all get back.”   
“Q-” I cut her off.   
“I’ll be here when you ALL get back Julia. Okay?”  
“Okay. There’s soup in the fridge for you if you feel like eating.”  
“Thanks. Good luck, please don’t die.”  
“I’ll try.”  
“That’s the spirit.” I barely get the words out before I’m throwing up again. Pleasant. I really hope that they all end up okay. If something happens and I’m not there I don’t think that I could ever forgive myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this chapter. It's short and not great, but it's getting me towards the ending I want. I didn't even think that I was going to do more than the second chapter, but then I kept on getting ideas. Thanks for reading.


	5. Who the fuck gets sick anymore?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliot gets free from the monster. Yay. But also Quentin still has the flu.

“Oh my lord. Margo,”  
“Eliot,” I wrap my arms around my best friend. She sighs against me. “They said that you were dead.”  
“Darling you know that I would never leave you here alone. We’re going to die together.”  
“It’s so good to hear you say that.”  
“I have so much to tell you, but it has to wait,” I look around for Q, but he’s not here? “Where the fuck is Quentin? Is he dead?” I told him that I love him and then what? He’s either dead which is its whole new thing, or he changed his mind and can’t bear to face me which is tragic, and frankly a dick move.   
“He’s not quite dead. He just has the flu,” Julia says.   
“But we don’t get sick,” I literally cannot remember the last time anyone here got sick except for like Penny dying. Q got sick and missed me being saved? Honestly I feel a bit betrayed. I mean it’s good to know that he isn’t dead, but the flu of all things. That’s a weak person sickness. I look around and I don’t know what to say. It looks like no one does.   
“Should we go home then?” Asks Josh. I’m starting to think that Quentin really is the heart and soul of this group. I mean come on this is just pathetic. Did I even miss anything? We all latch onto Penny and we woosh to a weird ass apartment.   
I put up my hand to stop anyone from talking.   
“I don’t even want to know why I’m here. Where’s Quentin?” Margo shows me the door and stops me from going in, to hug me for the second time.   
“I’m just really glad you’re back El.”  
“Me too Bambi. Me too.” She lets go and I go I knock on the door. A pointless gesture considering that I immediately open the door and go in. “Wow you look terrible,” He really does. Like he looks just very ill.   
“Aww thank you. Just what I wanted to hear.” He sits up. He looks like he wants to get out of bed, but there’s no way in hell that that’s happening. I plop down on the bed and turn towards him resting my head in my hand so I can look at him. He copies my pose so we’re eye to eye.   
“I can’t believe you got sick.”  
“I can’t believe that the first thing you did when you got here wasn’t take a shower. You are covered in someone else’s blood.”  
“Well I would have but I wanted to talk to you.”   
“You’re going to get yourself sick talking to me.”  
“I don’t get sick, and if I do then it will be totally worth it.”  
“You’re so romantic. My very own prince charming.” I laugh and scooch closer to him, so we’re almost nose to nose.   
“Q you cut your hair?”  
“Yes, I did.”  
“I don’t think that I like that my hair is considerably longer than yours.”  
“You should probably get it cut at some point then.”  
“You know what your right. Time to get cleaned up. Are any of my clothes here?”  
“Bottom drawer.”  
“Why are my clothes in your room?” He shrugs, and I give him a pointed look.   
“It’s just things that I didn’t want him to wear. It didn’t feel right to allow him to have access to every part of you.” I open the drawer. It’s full of my favorite things. If we’re being honest here I melt a little bit. I glance over at him and almost want to kiss him. I would never because he is still super mega weak person sick, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to. I grab some pajamas and head towards the door.   
“Okay, where’s the bathroom?”   
“Down the hall to the left.” I shower and get dressed. Then I go find Margo. I have to take care of this hair situation. I miss Q’s long hair, but I absolutely hate mine. It’s not ugly or anything it’s just not me. I’m wandering around and wow this place is big and very... white. It takes me forever to find Margo, but by the time I do, I feel like I have the lay of the land a little bit.   
“Margo, normally I wouldn’t ask this of you, but I trust you the most out of anyone here. Will you cut my hair for me?”  
“That’s all? You are so dramatic, of course, I will.” She finds some scissors grabs a towel to wrap around my shoulders. I sit while she cuts and cuts and cuts some more. It’s not award-winning, but it’ll do for now. I go back to Quentin’s room and he smiles at me.  
“Who-”  
“Margo. Do you like it?” He smiles again.   
“You look like Eliot again.”  
“I’ll take that as a yes then.”  
“Of course it’s a yes.” I lay back down on the bed and he looks over to me sleepily. “You know El, I’m really really glad you’re back.”  
“I’m glad I’m back too.” He falls asleep in my arms just like how it should be. I sleep better that night then I had in years. 

Two days later -------------------------------------------------

“You knew what you were getting yourself into.”  
“Well, I don’t get sick.” I can’t believe that I got sick. How gross. I shudder, but it’s not because of the grossness. It’s because of the fever.   
“Then what would you call this?”  
“An angry hangover?” He gives me a pointed look. That bitch. “I hate you.”  
“Love you too El. Don’t worry I’ll take good care of you.” and can you believe that he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the end! I hope you liked it, or I mean you at least had to tolerate it to get to this point. I know that there a bunch of holes in my little story, but I honestly don't really care. Thanks for reading! I love and appreciate y'all for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave kudos and comments! If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask I'll reply as soon as I see them.


End file.
